Procrastinating Life.

So procrastination tends to be my thing. I know it's everyone's thing, but really no one's on my level. I have a midterm exam due in 23hours that I haven't started; a Mermaid movie and essay to write by Wednesday night, that I haven't started; a complete Lesson Plan which will be somewhere around 15 pages due Friday, that when I say I haven't started I mean I haven't picked a topic to teach the class; and an Actuarial stats 3 exam on Friday, that I plan on winging. 

And with all this on my plate what am I doing at quarter to one on a Monday night? Doing homework?? Certainly not! I have caught myself up on The Event, visited friends, flirted with boys, cheated on my diet, and am writing on this blog that only one person reads, all to avoid work or is it reality. I tend to just blow homework off till the night before an exam as it is, so what am I really procrastinating? MY LIFE?? 

I feel like when I'm up at school, I'm living a dream, not the disney quintessential dream, but the dream as in it's not real. Like you know when you black out, and you kinda phase in and out of the real world, and you think your dreaming and then it's like a splash of cold water wakes you up for two seconds, but then fall back into blur?? Well I feel like school is the black out, dream, part of this night I call life. I feel like I don't have control of anything in my life when I'm up here. My work ethic, my motivation, my reason, it's all in New Jersey, and I'm stuck here without direction or hope. 

Maybe it's fear? Fear of the future, longing for the past, not understanding the present. I'm just lost. I'm just procrastinating. I'm just...